Discordian Bitch-Slap
or, "That one time when Eris checked to see if I was paying attention to her sister."
Three Wyrd Sisters of Chaos
The Goddess Eris looked across the mortal plains. She was pleased to see so many new adepts to her cause who were not aware of their significance, and a great deal who worshipped her sister Pareidolia without knowing it. But there were very few who acknowledged her other sister Apophenia. This was most disconcerting to Eris, a feeling she usually enjoyed in others. But not on this night.
Apophenia qustioned her sisters frustration.
"What is it that causes your discord this evening, Eris?"
"Though it is my will that mortals do as they please, so that I might alter their perceptions accordingly, I would appreciate that they acknowledge your presence." Eris began, "For myself and Pareidolia play out our roles in human affairs daily, and very rarely do they allow you into their souls." As she spoke, Eris caused a book in the mortal plain to fall from a shelf. The book was about scientific reductionism, and in about 2 minutes a priest would inspect its contents after tripping over it.
Pareidolia laughed as she caused the image of a dragon appear in the clouds above the mortal plane. Twenty three people around a city would all notice the clouds shape, and remark upon the beautiful dragon, all assuming they were the only person to see the formation.
"Dear sister Eris, is it not true that you and I have enjoyed a great deal of our time amongst them? Is it not right that we continue? Monotonous as it may be, I gain my enjoyment of mortal perceptions of the Christ on a piece of toast and Mary on a burrito."
Apophonia spoke over them both, with the grace of wisdom that was her gifted property.
"Sisters, what you do not realize is that the mortals must seek me out on their own terms. They cannot be coerced or convinced to stray from your influences from outside forces. It is only between the two of you that they make any progress toward me at all. They must decide to do so on their own. If they would bow down to the idol of their worship in the form of a deified taco, then that is what they should do with your help Pareidolia. For only then can they appreciate the dissolution of their old perceptions at the hands of Eris."
Pareidolia, The Maker of mountains from mole hills, contemplated before she spoke. " I feel the point made by Eris is still valid, you are the youngest and oldest of us Apophinia, and I think you will be needed by the mortals very soon. Even by mortal reconning Eris and I have had influence for far too much for far too long. It quickly is the time when you shall have to rise to an occasion, and bear equal parts of work with Eris and I."
Eris, The Sower of Discord and Confusion, spoke next.
"There are those among the mortals who would place me as an almighty status, their ignorance betraying other aspects of the chaos, such as you my two sisters."
Apophenia, the Bringer of Mystic Wisdom and Revelation, smiled.
"My time and influence is a subtle one, and I shall make myself known to the lives of mortals once again quite soon. But it is the work of you two together that will herald my return, through your own workings and influence."
Eris huffed impatiently.
"Fine, I'll take a few things into my own hands then, to better prepare the world for you. If there would be those mortals who would worship me as an absolute form of chaos, then I shall confuse their mission so that they will be capable of considering their own ignorance of your mystic wisdom."
Pareidolia giggled, "Why do you not start with that one mortal who was lost to my influence for a few years? He's currently under your power, and is certainly a good representative of those who lean toward your methodology."
Looking down upon the young man, Eris considered. "Well he is certainly leaning toward the Discordian religion that was founded in my honor, and is well studied in its implications for and against his life. He has also been very strongly affected by the Curse of the Greyface in his life, but not so much that he cannot pull away from its hold over him."
Apophenia smiled upon her sister. "He has also been seeking me out every so often, before retreating to the safety of what he has experience with. Perhaps he would be a good one to influence, he just might get it."
Eris laughed with a sudden realization, "He has an appreciation for subtleties, as well. I can push the butterfly only slightly, and he will eventually get it. I think I have found a potential convert to your cause Apophenia."
"To all of our causes, Eris." Apophenia corrected. "For to understand me, is to understand that we work together, as sisters."
"Here's hoping he's smart enough to get it, " Pareidolia snickered, " but if not, I'd love for him to see things my way again."
"He doesn't want that anymore, at least not in the same amounts. " Eris spoke. "And I'll give him a nudge toward loving us all in our own ways. Something he'll recognize for what it is, an interference in his thought process, by myself. Perhaps the best form of "Divine intervention" he'll ever have."
"Not if he seeks me out, because of it. " Apophenia grinned, knowingly, as she took a seat to watch Eris set her chaotic events into motion.
"Oh well, " Pareidolia sighed, "I'll just give away all my number 23's to the other mortals who WILL blow them out of proportion."
The Butterfly Affected Nudge
It had a been a long time coming, in retrospect, as most things are. It had been awhile since I had a great shift in the priorities of my thinking, and I was coming into my first Saturn Return. My thought process seemed to be making up for all the slacking I had done in my youth, as I felt I was not learning enough, fast enough. What I fail to realize most of the time, is that I always feel this way, there was just a greater sense of urgency at this point. It was during this time I had been researching ancient occult schools of magic, re-analyizing the bible and other holy texts, and exposing myself to new technologies and conceptualizations of the universe around me.
I was so saturated with new information and concepts, that I was beginning to believe that nothing was true at all, save a few natural elastic tendencies of the universe. There was a part of me that started seeing the entire world as if it were a dream. That "truth" was a purely subjective relationship between the Self and what they have experienced, and that no absolute truth remained so from person to person. This began to come across in my everyday conversations with people, which led to a few conflicts with those who adhered to absolute conceptualizations of dogma. Be they religious or scientific, the dogma prevented any conflicting data or opinions from holding any weight or having any value. In other words, self-inflicted ignorance of any other perspective.
All of this was quite stressful over the winter season of 2009-2010, as the world began to increase again its knowledge of itself, and no single opinion held much validation. I had escaped the Swine Flu with the help of a few spells, though people all around me kept coming down with it. My writing and drawing experienced a burst of creativity, as my research subjects influenced my art. I began to include properties of physics and mathematics into my art and magic practice, spawning a resurgent interest in Alchemy from the 14th century.
This resulted in a massive migraine, complete with nausea, and calling out from work for the first time in over a year. The pressure I was putting on myself to learn had never taken such a toll on my physical body since three years prior. I was working graveyard shift at that point, and the mindless tasks left a lot of time for learning whatever I wished. This was also the time I was learning so much that I began to ostracize myself from everyone around me. If the human mind is a biological computer, then these learning bursts of mine are over-clocking my processors and causing me to run out of RAM. But I feel an upgrade is on its way for me.
After the migraine, I decided that I needed to take things easier for awhile, and maybe enjoy simpler things in life. I began to take friends and co-workers up on their after-shift invitations, rather than rushing home to write or research. It became rather relaxing, in its own style of monotony, of engaging in small talk that would not go over anyone's head. Interacting with people on their terms. Not having to pause to define a 5-syllable word for the uninitiated, or give the back history of context in a given subject that came up. Toward the end of the week, however, was when Eris decided to fiddle with me.
It was a Friday evening that I met with Glasses in a somewhat impromptu manner. He was going to be in my neighborhood around the time I would get home from work, so we agreed to meet up for a few beers and chatting. Glasses had been educating himself in the mystery schools of occult wisdom, as well as the effects of political witchcraft in the world, so we had a great deal of equivalent exchanges on the nature of the universe and other ideas that chaotically float around in our heads. It was pleasant to say the least, and it drew out into the night, until the bar was nearly ready to close.
It should be noted at this point, that it was 2:15 AM. No longer Friday, it was now Saturday.
We continued the talking over to a convenience store to purchase additional beer for taking back to my home. Feeling a bit hungry, I decided upon the purchase of a greasy hot dog to munch on for the walk. Talking resumed and I unabashedly talked while chewing so that the conversation would not be lacking in discourse.
A mere 20 feet away from my home was when I started choking. The last piece of the hot dog became lodged in my throat, blocking a majority of my airway, but not completely. I could still breathe, barely, but was increasingly uncomfortable. With Glasses keeping tabs on me, and Meg emerging from the house, I began losing track of times passing. Minutes seemed like hours, and I could feel my thinking decreasing into more primitive states. Very irritatingly stupid thoughts crossed my mind, as less air was reaching my brain. At some point, an ambulance arrived in case I needed transport to the hospital, which I was stubbornly defiant of. I refused to choose a hospital, because the instant I did, I would be charged $500 for the 14 block ride. Since the ambulance was owned by a private company and not the hospital, I knew my insurance would not cover the bill. A rather idiotic decision, but I was not thinking straight, and I was feeling very defiant of the very concept of death anyways. After all, the ambulance attendants were both very attractive young women, and my girlfriend Meg was there, leading me to believe I was being watched by 3 angels of some sort. This irrationally caused me to relax, when I should be attempting to fight for my life.
I again refused to state a location to be transported to, confident more than ever in my ability to cough this thing up. After all, I had 3 gorgeous angels and my best friend Glasses nearby, why should I worry? That relaxation, more or less, caused the hot dog to come up. I realized after it did that it was not the hotdog itself that was causing the blockage, but rather the bun that was wrapped around it, expanding the diameter. I knew that was significant when I saw it, but was in recovery mode, so I let it slide for later analysis.
It was nearly 18 hours later before I realized all of the connections, that Eris undoubtedly knew I would. 1+8 = 9 = The number of changes. A simple coincidence, of many, that I caught.
In the Discordian "religion" ( Of which, I might add, I am a card-carrying member as well as a Pope ), one of the 5 major commandments, refers exclusively to the eating of a hot dog bun on any day other than Friday. The time of the choking hazard was early Saturday morning at about 2:35 AM, so technically, I committed one of the magic 5 taboos. The 5 commandments are known in the Discordian religion as the "Pentabarf", which brings further hilarity to mind, as I had to "barf" up the hot dog bun.
"What are the odds of that coincidence?" I had to ask myself, before I realized the stupidity of myself asking such a question. I make an effort to stack the cosmic odds in my favor whenever I can, every few days a concentrated effort. This time however, I had taken a break for socialization. It seems Eris had other ideas. Even so, afterwards I realized it was in fact a 6/7 chance, given my behavior that week. That is to say, extremely likely, if one takes into account the very bare basics of chance.
Three angelic women looking after me, three wyrd sisters of chaos likewise. The funny part of this connection is that is that this falls into all of the Chaos Goddess perspectives. It could fall under the influence of Pareidolia, in which I am making a big deal out of a minor coincidence. Alternately, it could also be Eris influenced, as it destroyed my previous conceptualizations and perspectives as they were, and forced me to take another look at my life.
Apophonia also, as mystic wisdom is generally what follows after the other two sisters are exhausted, and I certainly began to rearrange my priorities mentally after the experience. Who is to say with any absolute answer? Chaos doesn't deal in absolutes, which is part of its beauty for myself.
Of course, there is always the possibility that I'm making up all the connections in my own imagination, based on my own unconscious knowledge picked up along the way. I'm sure there are more people who would assume this to be the case, rather than to accept a deified explanation of three Goddesses that many have never heard of. I have a pantheon that works with my own psychology, and I readily accept that it could all be in my head. It's possible.
The main point, I feel, is that I have found a piece of reasoning that works for myself based on my experiences in life. This is really the only type of reasoning that there is for anyone, even those who agree with each other about an absolutism en masse. It has to work for them personally before they "go with the flow" of any popular idea or standpoint on a subject.
What I find interesting is that in recognizing that I have found an answer, not "THE" answer, I still find myself falling under the influence of Apophonia. In recognizing that my personal answer is not an absolute standpoint, and that there are always other explanations from other perspectives, I still fall under her influence.
The paradox. Apophonia assists me in recognizing that she may not exist, because she helps me to see the chaotic perspectives in others, and that others "know" she doesn't exist.
I have a sneaking suspicion that paradoxes will lead to a greater understanding of the human mind, as we begin to understand that things in the universe can simultaneously "exist" and "not exist". A kind of Schrodinger's cat of what is "real".
Questions such as, "Do unicorns exist, yes or no, and why?" separate the person who answers into two main categories.
"No, they do not exist, they are a product of the imagination and have no basis in reality."
Alternately,
"Yes, they do exist, ever since the moment they were created as a product of the imagination they have had a foothold in what we commonly refer to as "reality". "
Both answers are correct, and both answers are incorrect, depending entirely on your perspective. I maintain that unicorns exist simply because if they did not exist, we would not have a word for them. I have never seen one in "three or four-dimensional reality", but I have seen unicorns in "2D" and even "5D" realities. "5D" being the reality of the imagination and dreams, information from my perspective. Information exists and doesn't exist, as information makes up fiction and non-fiction. Again, perspective is everything in how we define anything we experience, whether it is a concrete substance or more etheric.
Knowing this allows me to state that the 3 Wyrd Sisters of Chaos influenced me, and also that I unconsciously influenced myself into certain thought patterns. What's the difference, when it could be both? Can either perspective be "proven" when a "proof" is based on which series of rules a person applies to an occurrence, as well as the variables inherent in personality and life experience? I don't believe that anything can be proven either way in this instance. Even scientific proofs require repeatability to a certain extent to prove something, and I am currently unable to go back in time to that exact moment and to those exact variables, so it remains speculative. Even if I could go back in time to attempt the repeat of circumstance, small differences in my mentality would re-arrange the outcome, causing a different result. Alternate timeline, if you will.
But in theory, if I could recreate the exact circumstances in time and space and all variables included, then the situation would replay exactly as it had before. This "proves" an aspect of what, by definition, cannot be "proven".
Another paradox. This makes me want to explore this further, and also, to never give it a second thought. It's a comforting feeling.
This is the thought pattern that follows the relatively mundane act of choking on a hot dog bun, imagine is something more significant happened. I care a great deal about thinking this way, and yet, I could also care less.
Laugh it off.
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